Posts Tagged ‘love’

dream

I was dreaming I was at a dinner party, talking with several coworkers and I began having a heated discussion with one of the women at the table.  She said I’d missed my skinny chance to ask her out once, and I challenged her to tell me when she’d ever given me a skinny chance….

Then I woke up.  It was 7am, but I didn’t want to get up yet.  I thought a while about the dream and my thoughts drifted to the movie Searching for a Friend at the End of the World.  I thought about who I’d want to spend my last few days with.  Of course I would want to be with my daughter, but what grown woman?  I know who I’d choose, and wondered who she’d choose.  Based on how our relationship had developed after we’d met, I figured her choice wouldn’t be me.  It was depressing to think that at the end of the world, I’d be on my own.

I fell asleep for a while.  When I woke up, it was time to get up for church, but I lay there in bed, refusing to crawl out from the covers.  When I woke up again, it was time for my daughter to get up for church, but I still lay there.  For a change, I decided I wouldn’t be waking her up.  Someone has sold her on the idea that Jesus’ story has no meaning for her life.  Lately I’ve wondered how forcing her to get up to sit in a pew and listen to something she’s closed her mind to would help her appreciate Jesus.  I hope she’ll realize one day how beautiful His message is, but for now, she’s listening to someone else.

I got ready for church and left her a note saying where I’d be.  At church, I had my usual two cups of coffee, so I was all jittery (as usual) by the time the sermon started.  This Sunday, one of the congregation talked about the importance of community.  He talked about how he’d remained part of the church community because he didn’t want to end up alone.  Sigh — didn’t really make me feel any better about being on my own, but his sermon was a good one that made me think.

Well, I went home and woke up my daughter.  We had lunch and I took her home to her mom’s.  I took a long way back to my apartment — one of the things I like doing when I’m feeling down is driving.  I watched the Chiefs game at home.  Their victory made me feel a little better.  After the game, I worked out.  And then after showering, I started watching the Denver game.  At half-time, I drove to Applebee’s and had the Fiesta Chicken Chop Salad, one of my new favorite dishes.  After dinner, I drove to the grocery store and bought a few things.  Then I returned home to finish watching the Broncos lose their game.  By bedtime, I was back to my cheerful self.

Usually, being on my own doesn’t bother me  — I’ve even arranged my life so my chances of meeting and spending time with new friends would be nil.  I’d rather deal with the occasional pang of loneliness than the recurring beat-down from rejection or even worse, never being able to tell where I stand with someone.  Relationships have caused me pain, and they’re something I just don’t want in my life right now.  I’ve written earlier, posing the question whether I was a rock and an island.  I think for the time being, I’ve become both.

Zombie

love-story-stick-boy-girl

I’ve written about this before, I’m sure.

But it amazes me how I can go from this:

ATLANTA RHYTHM SECTION

I Am So Into You

When you walked into the room There was voodoo in the vibes
I was captured by your style
But I could not catch your eyes
Now I stand here helplessly
Hoping you’ll get into me

I am so into you
I can’t think of nothing else
I am so into you
I can’t think of nothing else

Thinking how it’s going to be
Whenever I get you next to me
It’s gonna be good, don’t you know
From your head to your toe
Gonna love you all over, over and over
Me into you, you into me, me into you

I am so into you
I am so into you, ooh

Songwriter(s): Dean Daughtry, Robert Nix, Buddy Buie

Copyright: Sony/ATV Songs LLC

Into this:

BOSTON

Long Time

It’s been such a long time
I think I should be goin’, yeah
And time doesn’t wait for me, it keeps on rollin’
Sail on, on a distant highway
I’ve got to keep on chasin’ a dream
I’ve gotta be on my way
Wish there was something I could say.

Well I’m takin’ my time, I’m just movin’ on
You’ll forget about me after I’ve been gone
And I take what I find, I don’t want no more
It’s just outside of your front door.

It’s been such a long time. It’s been such a long time.

Well I get so lonely when I am without you
But in my mind, deep in my mind,
I can’t forget about you
Good times, and faces that remind me
I’m tryin’ to forget your name and leave it all behind me
You’re comin’ back to find me.

Well I’m takin’ my time, I’m just movin’ on
You’ll forget about me after I’v e been gone
And I take what I find, I don’t want no more
It’s just outside of y our front door.

It’s been such a long time. It’s been such a long time.

Yeah. It’s been such a long time, I think I should be goin’, yeah
And time dosnt wait for me, it keeps on rollin’
There’s a long road, I’ve gotta stay in time with I’ve got to keep on chasin’ that dream, though I may never find it
I’m always just behind it.

Well I’m takin’ my time, I’m just movin’ along
Takin’ my time, just movin’ along
Takin’ my time, takin’ my time…

Songwriter(s): Tom Scholz
Copyright: Pure Songs, Next Decade Entertainment Inc. O/B/o Pure Songs

It isn’t that I’m fickle.  Between one frame of mind and the other, there’s a lot of reflection, revelation, resistance.  Constantly hoping something nice will happen — until something inside me just clicks and I realize the other person will never see in me what I see in her.  I let it go.

BOSTON

Don’t Look Back

Don’t look back, a new day is breakin’
It’s been too long since I felt this way
I don’t mind where I get taken
The road is callin’, today is the day

I can see, it took so long just to realize
I’m much too strong not to compromise
Now I see what I am is holding me down
I’ll turn it around

I finally see the dawn arrivin’
I see beyond the road I’m drivin’

It’s a bright horizon and I’m awaken
I see myself in a brand new way
The sun is shinin’, the clouds are breakin’
Cause I can’t lose now, there’s no game to play

I can tell there’s no more time left to criticize
I’ve seen what I could not recognize
Everything in my life was leading me on,
But I can be strong

I finally see the dawn arrivin’
I see beyond the road I’m drivin’

Don’t look back, a new day is breakin’
It’s been so long since I felt this way
I don’t mind where I get taken
The road is callin’, today is the day

I can see, it took so long just to realize
I’m much too strong not to compromise
Now I see what I am is holding me down
I’ll turn it around

I finally see the dawn arrivin’
I see beyond the road I’m drivin’

Songwriter(s): Tom Scholz, T. Scholz

Copyright: Pure Songs, Next Decade Entertainment Inc. O/B/o Pure Songs

I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before, but Boston is one of my favorite groups.  Many of their songs capture the way I feel at times, but they contain many references to the road, which has been one of the main themes in my life since the day I was born.

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stuckinlove-poster-jpg_173305This is a good movie about a famous, divorced writer and his kids.  As a family of writers, the identity of each character’s favorite writer was a major subject of discussion in the movie.  The son liked Stephen King.  The daughter, someone I’m not familiar with.  The dad — in one scene, he tells his daughter’s college writing class he was inspired to write after reading a book by Raymond Carver called What We Talk About When We Talk About Love.  My jaw dropped and I felt chills when I heard this.  That book was one of my favorites when I was in college.  I was in awe of Raymond Carver’s style and loved reading his short stories.  Though I was never inspired to become a writer, I could understand how someone would be.

The movie is actually about each writer’s relationships — the father moving on after divorce (or not), the daughter overcoming cynicism and learning to love, and the son finding his first love.

The impression I got from a Q&A session with a couple of the actors after the advance screening I attended was this story was based in real life on a story written by the son.  I liked the movie, though there were a couple of scenes that seemed cliché (i.e. a couple falling in love, holding hands as they awkwardly skate around an ice rink).  I felt the story was interesting enough to overcome the clichés, and I especially enjoyed the characters.  I would recommend the movie to an adult audience, as there were scenes about sex and drug use.