Posted: May 15, 2013 in Random Thoughts
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I wish I still wrote poetry, something I haven’t done since college.  Why?  Sometimes I feel melancholy, and I feel only a poem could capture my feelings without coming across as whining.  But Wayne, things are looking up for you! — I guess.  Some things are looking up, like traveling again in a couple of months.  I am so looking forward to again seeing other parts of the country.  Lately I find myself daydreaming a lot, picturing myself in Tennessee, New England, or California.  I’m either driving down the Interstate or eating in a barbecue joint or diner.


But, before I can hit the road, I’ll have to leave a few things behind.  First — On Sunday, I’ll be giving my cat back to my ex-wife — he’s been my little companion for over a year.  Having my ex-wife’s cat this week keeping him company has me wishing I had two cats again, instead of soon-to-be none.  Second — I’ll need to leave behind some coworkers or one in particular, who I’ve grown used to talking with everyday.  I’ll most likely never see them again (or rarely).  Going on the road will mean taking up an isolated existence, carrying on work-related conversations with a myriad of strangers, but never really interacting with anyone on a personal level.  These things are bringing me down.


And there are my financial woes, still hanging over my head.  Sometimes they seem like they’ll never go away.  It’s become the norm for my checking account to be overdrawn before payday weekend is even over, and I have less food in the apartment than I had while in college — at least back then I could get government cheese and peanut butter.  Pardon me — I’m committing an unpardonable sin, according to my ex-in-laws, talking openly about having no money.  One should wear a brave face and quietly starve to death, I guess.  I’m not starving, but one driver for taking the new field service job is that my company will pay for my meals while I’m on the road and I won’t need to eat ramen noodles every day.  Money problems bring me down.


Over the last year, I’ve grown comfortable in my habits and rituals, and changing jobs will mean upheaving them — but it’s something I need, to get moving forward again.  In the midst of my melancholy, I know there can be positive change, and I’m looking forward to the day when I can look back on this time like the days when I was failing out of college, and say “Boy, I’m glad that’s over with.”

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